We are reminding all passengers to remain seated and keep your seatbelts fastened as we experience minor air turbulence. Please refrain from using electronic recording equipment such as digital cameras and cellular phones as these may interfere with our radio transmission. You may refer to "having the plane used as a dildo by giant lesbians" section of the in-flight passenger manual for more detailed instructions regarding this emergency situation. Thank you for your cooperation and we look forward to serving you on your next flight. -JAL
